A Decade

I have so many thoughts going on right now I don't know where to begin.  My heart is heavy for so many people in my life..Amazing beautiful friends facing life struggles that I can't begin to understand, and then my own life circumstances that can get me down from time to time.  I'm so thankful that I have faith in our God that he will get me through this, and I know that my friends have faith too, which helps us take it all in, but still life is hard.. We don't always understand the whys, we don't always see the positive but to have faith helps me to hold on.  I can't Imagine what my life would be like without my belief in God that he can and will get me through this.  He's proven to me so far that he walks this road along side with me and many others as they go through their life struggles...I can't imagine not having God by my side.  He is my rock, my healer, my savior..and yet, I feel like I don't fully understand the depths of his love for me, can we truly?

A good month has passed so I can share this story now..My pity party has long been gone, but for journaling sake, I feel like I should remember the tough times too.  Almost two years ago when I met with my new Dr. and I stopped driving we talked about my future.  We talked about how long before my pheriphial vision was totally gone, we talked about my central vision, and he answered my questions..I heard the answers..I processed the important ones at the time..flash forward almost TWO years..On our way home from one of our many road trips, I asked Chris a question...I'd been pondering it for a while, and knew it was a dumb question...a very dumb one...The kids were asleep in the back, and it was dark, and quiet..

Me:  "How long is a decade"? 
Chris:Ten years, why? 
Me:  No reason....

Ten years....wow..my mind was finally processing a conversation from two years ago..sometimes its just easier to not go there, to not process..but for some reason, it was time.  My Dr. had told me that I should have good central vision..the only vision I have left for a good decade..at the time, that sounded great, it sounded a LONG time away..today, it doesn't sound that far away at all..The devil was getting hold of my thoughts, and taking me in a direction I didn't need to go in...If that was two years ago, then that means I only have 8 more years of good central vision, Parker will be 13, Brecken will be 8..oh I have so much more life to live..a few days later, I cried myself to sleep while Chris was downstairs..only I couldn't go to sleep, so I went and cried in his arms..God knew Chris would be the perfect husband for me, he knew that he would stand by me and guide me through all of this, and be strong..After a few encouraging words and letting me melt down, I felt better...I got to sleep, and am handing it over to God the only way I know how, because I can't worry about it..I can't let the enemy take hold of my thoughts, and bring me down. 

I've been listening to a song over and over again that I heard a while back and just listening to it gives me hope.  Makes me realize again that I'm not in this alone at all, I do have someone watching over me, someone who knows my every thought, move, who can be my healer if he chooses, who knew the path of my life even before I was born, and most importantly who loves me...

He loves everyone else who is struggling with their own life circumstances too, and there are a lot of us out there..friends, kids, dads, moms, we all have them, and we all have a choice in how we deal.

I know I've said a lot of the same things before, it's a constant battle, and in the end, this is what I'm always reminded with.  So tonight, I pray for healing, hope, happiness for myself and for those that I love.

A Little Glimpse

Parker after school today

Today I was so excited for Parker.  She had the opportunity to spend the day in a Kindergarten class at one of the school's we're considering for her starting this Fall.  I can't believe she's old enough to be going to Kindergarten...She's my first baby! 

I was all excited for her, and then it hit me...Very weird especially since it was just for one day...Brecken started it..during breakfast she said that she was going to "miss Pwarker".  I told her that was ok, and that as soon as she got home from school they could play together!  Then we got home from dropping her off, and I decided I missed her too!  THEN I realized this is what our fall is going to be like!  Parker will be in school everyday, and it will just be Brecken and I.  I'm excited for the one on one time with Brecken since we've never had that.   I know we will both miss Parker very much though!

We couldn't wait for her to get home, and hear all about her day!  She enjoyed it very much.  She loved her "buddy" Kiley, and couldn't stop talking about her.  She was a bit sad when I explained that Kiley wouldn't be in her class if she went to this school, as Kiley would then be in the first grade!  She was glad they had snack time in the morning, but wished they had it in the afternoon too.  She realized that she needs to eat quicker at lunch, or else she won't have lunch or anything else to eat until school is out!  (She was very hungry and couldn't wait to get into the car and finish her lunch..the only thing she managed to eat was 1/2 of her sandwich)  I imagine that she was too busy talking and watching everyone else.  She loved playing in the gym and they had basketballs and goals and she loved throwing the balls in the air.."it was so much fun"!  She loved seeing a few familiar faces, and appreciated an older sister of a classmate at Jacob's saying "hi" to her and playing with her a bit during recess! 

This morning she started out a bit quiet I'm told, but by the end of the day she was coming out of her shell and had a great day!  She's looking forward to Kindergarten and LOVED the opportunity to see first hand what it is all about!

Such a fun day for her!

Snow Ice Cream

Today we tried Paula Dean's Snow Ice Cream for the first time!  It was awesome.  Here's what the girls had to say too.

Snow Day

We finally got some snow here..we've needed the moisture badly..Chris has had me watering the lawn, which has not been fun for me.  I've been cold, and wet, especially on the windy days, so I'm hoping the snow will take care of the watering for me for a while!

The girls couldn't wait to get out in it today.  I'm glad I'm the one taking all the pictures, because I wouldn't have wanted to see what I looked like in all of my Chris' snow gear...apparently I don't actually have any except for the coat..SO, I borrowed his ski bibs, snow boots, hat and gloves..I'm sure I looked really pretty!  Parker said I looked weird in daddy's boots...

The snow was too dry for a snowman, but we'll try again tomorrow..

The best part about playing in the snow is the hot chocolate afterwards...although Brecken decided she didn't like it because it was "hot"..go figure!

Parker liked hers and drank Brecken's too!

We had a great snow day!

Tangled

Last week Chris took the week of to be home with us.  While it wasn't the most exciting week, and I know for a fact, there were a few days Chris was ready to head into work, we managed to do something fun to end the week.

We took the girls to see their first movie in the theater!  We saw Tangled, which wasn't too bad.  The girls enjoyed it and did great!  We only had 1 potty break for Brecken, which daddy had to do, since I can't see a thing in the dark.  They munched popcorn, drank soda and took it all in!

One of the ideas we (I) had for the girls for Christmas was putting together a "craft room" in the basement storage room..My thought was that we could put everything in one central location, play dough included and that I wouldn't always be worried about everything being messy, and all over the floor...My hope was that I could just let it be for the kids, and let them have fun whenever they wanted...It's taking a lot from me to let this happen...The control freak in me wants it to maintain order, to only get one thing out at a time...that hasn't happened so much..The girls are enjoying it tremendously..and I'm trying to get there..yesterday we had to pick up tons of googly eyes, pom pom balls, foam stickers, pipe cleaner sticks, paper, play dough off the floor...We've now established a few rules, as a matter of fact, new rules get implemented each time we're down there...

I'm trying really!!

Here's a pic of the girls enjoying it this morning!  It's where they want to be all the time, so it was a good idea..this mama just has to get over it!

Happy Birthday Parker

I've said this before with Brecken, but I just can't believe Parker is five...My firstborn turned 5 yesterday.  She's not a baby anymore by any means.  She hasn't been for a while.  She's a little girl who's five going on twenty-five!  She's too smart for her own good sometimes, which just amazes Chris and I.  I love her spirit though, she's a great big sister to Brecken; while a bit bossy sometimes, she knows what she wants and pretty much how to get it, or at least try!  I love that Parker is a daddy's girl. She loves to go out "hunting" with Chris and can't wait until she's older to get to go with him more often, but she loves to be girly as well.  She's got a great personality and hasn't met a person she can't be friends with.  She's also inquisitive, a thinker and a great helper.  She's just an amazing little girl and We're so blessed that God gave us her to raise and enjoy! 

We Love you!

Mommy and Daddy

Happy New Year

Ahhh, I finally feel like I can breathe a sigh of relief..This time of year is always hectic and there is no easy way about it.  I love it for the same reasons though too..Spending time with family and friends and the Christmas music, and the Celebration of Jesus' birthday, its awesome..but I'm tired!  We traveled once a week during the month of December and back in the same day, we celebrated Christmas with 3 families in 3 days, Parker turned 5 on New Year's Eve, and we hosted a small NYE celebration with kiddos last night..the house was full, the kids ran and ran and I was in bed by 11:30!!

While I love this time of year, I'm also excited for the hustle and bustle to be over, and we had a day of nothing today...absolutely nothing..almost to the extent that we were all bored. The girls stayed in their PJ's all day and we didn't leave the house for anything!  I think we're all ready for Monday and the New Year with a fresh start!

Here's to a great 2011!

Christmas Eve in Kansas City..The girls LOVED seeing Santa who stopped by on his very busy night!

Christmas Morning at home

Christmas Day at Grandma and Grandpa Rick's.  The girls are blowing out the candles after singing Happy Birthday to Jesus!

Christmas with Nana & Papa on Sunday morning~  The girls got a new table and Chairs for the craft room we decided to do in the basement!

Parker's Birthday morning.  She is a New Year's Eve baby..It wasn't under the wire though, she was born at 7:06 in the morning on New Year's Eve day.

Parker requested Breakfast at Jeanies Cafe!  She then had lunch with Nana and Papa at Freddy's!

New Year's Eve at our house with a few friends...this was towards the end of the night, and several had already left.. The guys played cards, and the kids did really great entertaining themselves while the gals chatted away~